the title is just there to think about. It holds a certain grain of truth in Oregon.

I'm not sure what to write about tonight, but I felt like writing something. I usually talk about something regarding video games, but I have nothing to say on that subject tonight. My birthday is approaching rather slowly. Like most holidays, I just want to get the damn thing over with. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter about getting older. I just hate having to wait til that particular day to receive all the stuff that I am perfectly deserving of on any day. Giving me these things on the anniversary of my birth is a nice sentiment, but I assure you that I will enjoy them just as much if you gave me these things on some random Tuesday.

I've already received a couple presents early, as an emergency required it(computer crash). My parents still ask me what I want for my birthday, which is odd, because I usually don't get that much. I also don't usually ask for much. I was going to ask for what I was already given, a new hard drive. They insist on more, since I allowed them to use my computer for almost 2 years for their own purpose. So I guess I shall partake in a new VCR, as mine has the tendency not to want to completely do the tasks labelled as V, C, or R. I'll also be asking for a new pair of headphones, mainly nice ones that go around my ears, and don't give me a headache.

I feel bad that I have mooched off of them for so long, and they seem to not care. I wonder if they view me as a failure, considering I've not really accomplished anything about anything.

Advice time. Good deeds can be huge gestures, or the tiniest of niceties. Assume everyone is a little down, and do your best to make them feel better, even for a fleeting moment.

After rereading all my blog entries, they're a lot better than I thought they were. They were also rather depressing and angry at times. I am normally a "happy go lucky" person, an "eternal optimist", and possibly one more title that I can't be bothered to put in quotes.

life is better once again. Not as good as it could be, but a lot better than what it was. All computer problems are currently non existent. I am feeling social once more. I got to see some friends that I haven't seen in 4 or 5 months. A good weekend, hopefully many more to follow.

I also applied for a job at GameStop. A video game retailer, a near perfect job for me. I got the usual "we're not hiring right now" spiel, a formality just so they won't have to deal with unhireables. I plan on checking up on it later in the week. It'll be nice to work again, especially enjoying work again. That was one of many reasons I quit my last job, when it's not fun anymore, it's not worth it.

I've got stuff to buy, people to pay back, presents to get. I'll pay back my dad the 300 bucks or so he's lent me since I've been unemployed. 100 or so was buying christmas presents for my family. I always have games to buy. I also want to take out several people to dinner, those who've lent me money since I've been unemployed. I also want to buy presents for the many upcoming friends birthdays. Two are very special and particular, girls I have/had crushes on. I always like to give girls I like something special. It's materialistic, but I find it difficult to show my feelings in any other way.

Of course, the tradition of advice as to be had by you, and given by me. I'm turning 21 in a month, feeling the best I've felt since on any and all levels since August. The old Ant'ny is back, and 21 is going to be a good year. I gah-rone-fucking-tee it. Boo to the ya.

I have returned from the party I wrote about, somewhat unscathed. I worked out the previously mentioned problems a couple days before the party, which was quite nice. I had a nice time for the majority of the party. There always seems to be a line for me, when it goes from hanging out with my good and close friends, and then crossing the line, when I'm just avoiding drunks and assholes. I really don't like it when those drunks and assholes are my friends.

I don't understand, when I look at a friend who is drunk, they're acting so different than normal, and they chose to do this to themselves. They say it's to have fun at the party. They say it helps them relax. They say they just need to unwind. I was sober. I had fun. I was relaxed. I didn't need to unwind, ironically they seemed to get wound up. 2 nights out of the year I watch my friends do this, um, ritual? They always seemed relaxed, and to be having fun, when they were sober.

I guess drinking alcohol might be akin to having sex, you won't know the joys and perils of it, til having experienced it. My interest lies mainly in the latter, only morbid curiousity is reserved for the former. I guess it's a good thing there isn't a hangover after sex, I doubt people would talk about it so highly if there was. It's cliche, but I want to have it mean something special. At least more than sticking my dick in some random girl passing by.

I'd like to be in a relationship before having sex, it doesn't matter for how long, it only matters how long I've known the person. I'm also thinking way ahead, because I've only had one kiss in my lifetime. Forget sex, I just wanna be kissed. I don't think I've ever felt happier, then when I was being kissed.

My advice for this evening, waking up alone will never be as bad as waking up next to someone and feeling lonely.

This weekend is an annual party that my friend throws. I am expected to show up, by several people. I do want to go, but I also am not sure if I want to see certain people there. I suppose I should swallow my pride and just deal with my "problems". It's just so much easier said than done. I will end up going, I don't know if I'll have any fun. I also don't know if I'll spend the whole night puking, and not because of alcohol.

my advice, you can't avoid your problems forever, although it's nice to avoid them as long as possible.

Whether it's the Sega Bass Fishing controller for the Dreamcast. The uber-cool bongos for Donkey Konga. The RPG controller for the Playstation. The GT Force steering wheel for Gran Turismo for PS2. The custom turntable for Beatmania. The 40+ button monstrosity that accompanies Steel Battalion. These special controllers make the game that much cooler. Giving the player a unique experience through a custom piece of hardware. I am borrowing Ace Combat 5 from a friend, along with the Namco Flight Stick 2. Flight stick, throttle controls, on my 32" tv with surround sound. The only way this experience could be any sweeter would be if Anthony Edwards himself was sitting behind me while I play.

I've been playing it, at least the few levels where I know what I'm doing. I'm quite excellent at dog fighting and I fly quite insanely. I took an F/A 18 Super Hornet, the worlds most advanced fighter jet, at full afterburn, into a tunnel that has a sharp 60 degree turn, and came out alive. Lots of fun.

My computer is up and running, just sitting around waiting for the internet to be hooked back up to it. So I can download the many updates that it needs. Especially Mozilla Firefox, the greatest browser application I've used. Hopefully before the weekend I will have it.

My advice for today, somewhat random, but nonetheless important.

All great things must come to an end, unfortunately, not all great things have a beginning.

My computer is fixed, at least as much as it could be, and it's back in it's rightful place, my room. It's been a long, boring day, but it all works out in the end, I've got an episode of Tilt to watch tomorrow, I leave and visit my friend Big Dave in Washington for the weekend. When I get back on sunday, The Simpsons, Arrested Development await me. Hopefully there will also be a new computer desk, and a router, so I can have the internet in my room, and can fix my computer even more, and reaquire some of my lost files. It'll be time consuming and an overall pain in the butt, but I think it'll be worth it.

My advice for today, are words I live by. Don't freak/flip out or get pissed about something you're not going to give a shit about next week. Next week I will still care about my lost files, this was justified. Me getting cut by the fan on my computer, because I forgot to unplug it, hurt, is uncomfortable on my wrist, but I don't care enough to bitch about it. In fact, as Murphy's law would have it, it was the ONE time I forgot to unplug the fan. This is why you unplug the fan, LOL.

Upon my return, same fat time, same fat channel

I've been having a bad couple of weeks. I'm getting over a cold, computer problems galore, life never gives me ANY good things, at least nothing that lasts. It's at these times that I become jealous of the uber-religious sect. The ones so sheltered from what's real and what isn't, they just delve into their good book and think some passage, some sentence that makes all their pain go away. It doesn't really go away, they just ignore it from that point on. I can't do that. I can't live my life by some 2,000 year old book. I can't live my life by someone else's standards, it's just not me. I feel like shit, physically, emotionally, every which way that's possible. In life, I just can't win.

My advice, Ignorance is bliss, but if you can't deal with life, then you shouldn't be living it.